We have all been here, the dreaded child support. The government has decided that all parents should be responsible for financially supporting children. Centrelink will have you believe that if you do not apply to the Child Support Agency (CSA) you will not receive any benefit from them or a reduced rate. And this is the point where you know that you will have to apply for child support otherwise you know you will not be able to survive or feed and clothe your children. WRONG. You are entitled to apply for an exemption from applying for child support through centrelink especially if you are escaping domestic violence. Centrelink fail to advise you of this right and they force the issue without recognising the danger that this causes for many mothers and their children.
I was 20 years old sitting in the Centrelink office speaking with one of their workers holding my 10 day old baby begging the woman to not make me apply for child support. I was sobbing explaining that this man had raped me, he had stalked me, he was emotionally abusing me and this was another way he could abuse me further. This woman was heartless and told me I had no choice and she was the one to ring the child support agency while I was in the Centrelink office crying. I had no choice in the matter at all. And so the abused continued through the CSA.
For over 5 years I had to fight for the CSA to get the money which Centrelink took from me as my child's father was supposedly supporting the child. Each month I would ring only to be told they could not find where he was working and that I needed to tell them where he was working and which bank he banked with or whether he owned a car, a house or a boat or which company his super with. Ummm hello what is the job of the CSA if I have to find out this information, isn't that there job???? Then there was the change of assessments which I had to put in yearly as my ex does not put in tax returns and informed the CSA that he works full time but only earns 15 thousand a year. Stupid thing is CSA believe him. I had to prove this was not the case at all and in fact he was earning well over 60 thousand a year. His word was taken on face value and yet me I had to prove everything. Four times I had to apply for change of assessment to get the correct amount of child support and each time the amount was never back dated because otherwise he would have a bigger child support debt. I finally gave up with the child support and out of the blue I got a call from a case worker stating that she would in fact make my ex pay child support regularly and I laughed at her. She was not happy at all. I explained that I had heard it all before and I wouldn't hold my breathe. They then put a hold on my ex's passport and he was no longer allowed to leave the country without paying off his debt with child support. I started receiving regular child support which was shock horror but it never was a regular amount some months it was the base amount and then other months it was the base amount plus payment for the back pay as well.
This is where the problems started. Because my ex was now having to pay child support, he decided that he was going to go for custody of the child as this would mean he would no longer have to pay. He has always maintained that I use the child support money to buy diamonds and take my many boyfriends out to dinner. Truth is I have never brought diamonds and I wish I knew all these boyfriends I am supposedly sleeping with. My ex's thinking that if he has the child 50 per cent of the time he will no longer have to financially support the child and I will have to start paying him. You see I have the CSA and the government to thank for putting my child at risk because of the laws they implemented. I do not want his money at all, I would rather keep my child safe and support the child myself like I had been doing for the first 5 years.
You see my ex loves himself and his money. Nothing will come between him and his money so this is why he is applying to the court for shared custody of the child, to protect his most valued possession. The thing he doesn't realise is that caring for a child is more expensive then paying the base amount of child support per month. The $274 a month that he pays doesn't cover anything at all. He thinks that I will pay him child support, guess what I will purposely earn less then you so I will never hand money over to an abuser.
The thing my ex doesn't realise is that if you are going to attempt to hurt me using my child, then I will hit him where it hurts, in his pocket. I will go for 50 per cent of all expenses and that is a lot more then the $274 he pays now. I will do this through the court right at the last minute and watch him suffer as the judge rules in my favour about this. You see the ex still doesn't pay child support based on his income which has dropped from over 60 thousand down to 35 thousand. I have proof as I have every letter sent to me by the CSACSA and also that his earning capacity is in fact a lot higher based on his previous work and his occupation.
My advise to all mothers out there is DO NOT APPLY FOR CHILD SUPPORT. Go to Centrelink apply for an exemption and fight for the exemption. If I had known about this before now, I know I would not be in the situation I am i now. My child would be safe and I would not be kicking and screaming in the family court.
So thank you once again John Howard for putting my child at risk because of the stupid laws you implemented to attack single mothers and benefit single fathers. Thank you Centrelink for letting me and my child down and thank you CSA for being all about fathers rights and harming mothers and child with the lack of service you offer.
Saturday 15 October 2011
Friday 7 October 2011
So whats the ICLs job exactly???
The ICL is supposedly an independent children's lawyer.
I know it states that the ICL is in fact an independent lawyer to represent the child/ren while in the family court but what do they actually do???? I know my child's ICL did nothing in the court room and all she said was I think there is a trust issue. Hhhmmmm that is between me and my ex not my child. Excuse my ICL how is that independent and in the best interest of my child???
So how do the ICLs know what is in the child's best interest??? I know of some ICLs who have never met the child/ren that they are representing them in court, so again i ask, how does the ICL know what is in the best interest of the child??? These people are lawyers right??? So how do they know the best interest of any child??? DO they have to attend regular child development course as do teachers and early childhood workers???? Have they kept up to date with child development and how to interact with children??? Have they studied how to read children's cues????
How can a lawyer represent a child child when they have either never met the child or had a limited amount of contact with the child when they actually do not ask what the child wants??? I know my child's ICL did not once ask my child what they wanted. She did not discuss any of the issues which were raised like the changing of the child's name, where the child is to live or whether the child has to spend time with an abuser. I know this because my child refused to go in with the ICL alone. My mother sat there and listened. My child was questioned about whether or not they attend a wedding in Bali. If the ICL had of looked she would realise i was in court the date of the wedding so therefor could have not taken my child to Bali. When my child was asked about dad the child completely shut down. Did the lawyer see this as a huge sign??? No she didn't she continued to question the child about school and family. The fact that a child completely shuts down is a sign that should not be missed and would not be missed by a trained professional. My child's lawyer spent an entire 15 minutes with the child. SO how in 15 minutes does this person know what my child wants??? The fact is the lawyer doesn't know and probably couldn't care less. This annoys me as the ICL has a major pull in the decision of the best interest of the child during the court case.
I get that ICLs are suppose to be independent and thus can not speak with me or my ex for that matter, but why can't the ICL speak with the child's family, friends and even the school, the child's doctor and the child's psychologist??? Surely the lawyer can do something more then saying "i think there is a trust issue which will fade in time". Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh no the trust issue will never fade.
Isn't the ICLs job to represent the child and put forward what the child wants???? That is what they want you to believe but the fact is that this is not the case, it is far from this. The ICL is a way for the child to speak in court without having to be present, aaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh wrong. The child doesn't have a say in the matter at all, the ICL decides what they want for the child because they believe they know what is best for the child even when they do not know the child. I know for a fact my child's ICL was unprepared when she walked into the court room. She had not read the reports from the doctor or psychologist nor has she read the documents from my child's school or even the affidavits from me and my ex. How the hell do they get away with this??? She is not doing her job and I can not do anything about it until the case is over and then all I am allowed to do is make a formal complaint but the ICL can stuff up my life and the life of my child by not doing what she was employed to do.
SO why are the courts insisting on children having ICLs to represent them while the parents are in the family court???? The answer is money. You see ICLs are appointed through legal aid and thus are lining the governments pockets with more funds. An ICL is a way for the family court to further benefit from people who are forced into the family court. The ICL requires a $3000 deposit for fees and expenses which they may incur during the court case and then also charge for their time in court and an hourly rate. Do they provide an itemised bill of each hour and what they were actually working on???? I do not know, what I do know is that for the time the ICL spent in the court room and the 5 or 6 words she said, I will not be paying as the words out of her mouth was a load of crap. The ICL is just another way to make money off a bad situation.
I was misinformed by my lawyer that an ICL was what we needed as that way when my child said they didn't want to see the father the ICL could communicate this to the court. I now have been told by other mothers who have been down the same road as me who I trust, that the ICL is a bad idea and often does more harm then good. I know many mothers who had the ICL turn on them and their children because they were upholding the law of a meaningful relationship with both parents. How is this the best interest of the child when the child has told other on numerous occasions that they do not want a relationship with the father and that they are scared of this man??? SO do tell me ICL how this is in the best interest of the child when the child is in fact regressing every time they are forced to spend time with this man??? The doctor can see this and has had a relationship with the child since the child was 12 hours old, the psychologist can see it and has had a relationship with the child for over 6 months, but Mrs ICL why do you chose not to see this???? And ICL how do you know what is in the best interest of my child???? And ICL how do you know what my child wants when you did not ask them??? And ICL what recommendations are you going to make before the court when you are obviously too busy to read the information which you requested???? Do you believe that it is in the child's best interest to be forced and I do mean physically to spend time with someone they are scared of and who torments them in their dreams???? Please ICL wake up and do what is best for your client that after all is your job right?????
I know it states that the ICL is in fact an independent lawyer to represent the child/ren while in the family court but what do they actually do???? I know my child's ICL did nothing in the court room and all she said was I think there is a trust issue. Hhhmmmm that is between me and my ex not my child. Excuse my ICL how is that independent and in the best interest of my child???
So how do the ICLs know what is in the child's best interest??? I know of some ICLs who have never met the child/ren that they are representing them in court, so again i ask, how does the ICL know what is in the best interest of the child??? These people are lawyers right??? So how do they know the best interest of any child??? DO they have to attend regular child development course as do teachers and early childhood workers???? Have they kept up to date with child development and how to interact with children??? Have they studied how to read children's cues????
How can a lawyer represent a child child when they have either never met the child or had a limited amount of contact with the child when they actually do not ask what the child wants??? I know my child's ICL did not once ask my child what they wanted. She did not discuss any of the issues which were raised like the changing of the child's name, where the child is to live or whether the child has to spend time with an abuser. I know this because my child refused to go in with the ICL alone. My mother sat there and listened. My child was questioned about whether or not they attend a wedding in Bali. If the ICL had of looked she would realise i was in court the date of the wedding so therefor could have not taken my child to Bali. When my child was asked about dad the child completely shut down. Did the lawyer see this as a huge sign??? No she didn't she continued to question the child about school and family. The fact that a child completely shuts down is a sign that should not be missed and would not be missed by a trained professional. My child's lawyer spent an entire 15 minutes with the child. SO how in 15 minutes does this person know what my child wants??? The fact is the lawyer doesn't know and probably couldn't care less. This annoys me as the ICL has a major pull in the decision of the best interest of the child during the court case.
I get that ICLs are suppose to be independent and thus can not speak with me or my ex for that matter, but why can't the ICL speak with the child's family, friends and even the school, the child's doctor and the child's psychologist??? Surely the lawyer can do something more then saying "i think there is a trust issue which will fade in time". Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh no the trust issue will never fade.
Isn't the ICLs job to represent the child and put forward what the child wants???? That is what they want you to believe but the fact is that this is not the case, it is far from this. The ICL is a way for the child to speak in court without having to be present, aaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh wrong. The child doesn't have a say in the matter at all, the ICL decides what they want for the child because they believe they know what is best for the child even when they do not know the child. I know for a fact my child's ICL was unprepared when she walked into the court room. She had not read the reports from the doctor or psychologist nor has she read the documents from my child's school or even the affidavits from me and my ex. How the hell do they get away with this??? She is not doing her job and I can not do anything about it until the case is over and then all I am allowed to do is make a formal complaint but the ICL can stuff up my life and the life of my child by not doing what she was employed to do.
SO why are the courts insisting on children having ICLs to represent them while the parents are in the family court???? The answer is money. You see ICLs are appointed through legal aid and thus are lining the governments pockets with more funds. An ICL is a way for the family court to further benefit from people who are forced into the family court. The ICL requires a $3000 deposit for fees and expenses which they may incur during the court case and then also charge for their time in court and an hourly rate. Do they provide an itemised bill of each hour and what they were actually working on???? I do not know, what I do know is that for the time the ICL spent in the court room and the 5 or 6 words she said, I will not be paying as the words out of her mouth was a load of crap. The ICL is just another way to make money off a bad situation.
I was misinformed by my lawyer that an ICL was what we needed as that way when my child said they didn't want to see the father the ICL could communicate this to the court. I now have been told by other mothers who have been down the same road as me who I trust, that the ICL is a bad idea and often does more harm then good. I know many mothers who had the ICL turn on them and their children because they were upholding the law of a meaningful relationship with both parents. How is this the best interest of the child when the child has told other on numerous occasions that they do not want a relationship with the father and that they are scared of this man??? SO do tell me ICL how this is in the best interest of the child when the child is in fact regressing every time they are forced to spend time with this man??? The doctor can see this and has had a relationship with the child since the child was 12 hours old, the psychologist can see it and has had a relationship with the child for over 6 months, but Mrs ICL why do you chose not to see this???? And ICL how do you know what is in the best interest of my child???? And ICL how do you know what my child wants when you did not ask them??? And ICL what recommendations are you going to make before the court when you are obviously too busy to read the information which you requested???? Do you believe that it is in the child's best interest to be forced and I do mean physically to spend time with someone they are scared of and who torments them in their dreams???? Please ICL wake up and do what is best for your client that after all is your job right?????
Friday 30 September 2011
How many more children have to be harmed?????
We have all sobbed as the details of children who were murdered by their fathers are broad casted over the news. We wept for Darcey and Yasmin as we heard about their last moments and the fact that someone who was suppose to love and protect them betrayed them. My question is how many more mothers and children have to be harmed and how many more lives destroyed before Australia says "NO MORE". The truth is that many children are harmed and killed by people they trust and these people are known to the family courts. Can you honestly believe that these innocent lives were lost for nothing??? There deaths a stain on the family court and yet was swept under the rug after a few days for bigger news.
These father's rights group have come out in masses to support these murders blaming the mothers and the courts for the deaths of these children. They have said more children will die at their father's hands and yet the courts are still handing over children to these men. These father's rights groups want the public to believe that these murders killed innocent children because they got a raw deal in family court. These children lost their lives so excuse me who got the raw deal??? Certainly not the fathers as they are living it up in jail. They have three home cooked meals prepared for them daily, they have access to TVs, Internet, are able to continue on with studies and every day they wake up. These innocent babies don't get any of this so I say again, who got the raw deal?? Who was let down by the family court??? In 25 years at the most these men will walk out of prison a free man. Every day Darcey's mum wakes knowing this man is still alive while her innocent baby did not get the chance to grow up.
These father's rights thugs are misleading the public and manipulating the truth to further push their own agenda. These thugs will have you believe that domestic violence does not exist and that all women lie about experiencing abuse. Even with proof of the violence these thugs say its the woman's fault, they pushed the men to do it, he had no choice in the matter. These thugs think it is acceptable to treat women and children like possessions which they own. These thugs are multiplying at an alarming rate and have infiltrated the family court system, the media and the scarified bond of motherhood by recruiting mothers to turn on other mothers. I use the word thugs because that is what they are. They will stoop to whatever level they have to to server their own agenda and have proved this time and time again.
So what is the father's rights thugs agenda??? To me is seems to rid the world of mother's so they can not be judged or exposed. The ultimate control over a mother is her children. They think by ridding the mother of the children she will be helpless. I want to make myself very clear here I WILL ALWAYS BE A MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT, YOU TAKE MY CHILD AND I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL ME AND YOU WILL NEVER STOP ME FROM USING MY VOICE. I WILL NOT SURRENDER TO YOU OR YOUR WANTS. YOU PICKED THE WRONG MOTHER TO MESS WITH, YOU MAKE KNOCK ME DOWN BUT YOU WILL NEVER SHUT ME UP. You see father's rights thugs are all about control and I will never hand over my control to anyone.
So why did Darcey's dad throw her over the bridge but allow her brother to live???? Was it to teach his son how to control women using force??? That poor little boy sat and watched his father steal an innocent life. That poor little boy will be forever haunted by the image of what he saw. The thing is this may in turn continue the cycle of men controlling women.
So I again ask, HOW MANY MORE INNOCENT LIVES HAVE TO BE LOST OR HARMED BEFORE SOMETHING IS DONE?????
I know mothers everywhere breathe a sigh of relief when they get their child back from the father and the child is alive, yes the harm has been done whether physically or emotionally or psychologically but the child is alive for another day and that is all the matters. Women are living in fear that their children will be the next ones who are on the news because the father has decided he is going to punish his ex by taking away her children for good.
These father's rights group have come out in masses to support these murders blaming the mothers and the courts for the deaths of these children. They have said more children will die at their father's hands and yet the courts are still handing over children to these men. These father's rights groups want the public to believe that these murders killed innocent children because they got a raw deal in family court. These children lost their lives so excuse me who got the raw deal??? Certainly not the fathers as they are living it up in jail. They have three home cooked meals prepared for them daily, they have access to TVs, Internet, are able to continue on with studies and every day they wake up. These innocent babies don't get any of this so I say again, who got the raw deal?? Who was let down by the family court??? In 25 years at the most these men will walk out of prison a free man. Every day Darcey's mum wakes knowing this man is still alive while her innocent baby did not get the chance to grow up.
These father's rights thugs are misleading the public and manipulating the truth to further push their own agenda. These thugs will have you believe that domestic violence does not exist and that all women lie about experiencing abuse. Even with proof of the violence these thugs say its the woman's fault, they pushed the men to do it, he had no choice in the matter. These thugs think it is acceptable to treat women and children like possessions which they own. These thugs are multiplying at an alarming rate and have infiltrated the family court system, the media and the scarified bond of motherhood by recruiting mothers to turn on other mothers. I use the word thugs because that is what they are. They will stoop to whatever level they have to to server their own agenda and have proved this time and time again.
So what is the father's rights thugs agenda??? To me is seems to rid the world of mother's so they can not be judged or exposed. The ultimate control over a mother is her children. They think by ridding the mother of the children she will be helpless. I want to make myself very clear here I WILL ALWAYS BE A MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT, YOU TAKE MY CHILD AND I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL ME AND YOU WILL NEVER STOP ME FROM USING MY VOICE. I WILL NOT SURRENDER TO YOU OR YOUR WANTS. YOU PICKED THE WRONG MOTHER TO MESS WITH, YOU MAKE KNOCK ME DOWN BUT YOU WILL NEVER SHUT ME UP. You see father's rights thugs are all about control and I will never hand over my control to anyone.
So why did Darcey's dad throw her over the bridge but allow her brother to live???? Was it to teach his son how to control women using force??? That poor little boy sat and watched his father steal an innocent life. That poor little boy will be forever haunted by the image of what he saw. The thing is this may in turn continue the cycle of men controlling women.
So I again ask, HOW MANY MORE INNOCENT LIVES HAVE TO BE LOST OR HARMED BEFORE SOMETHING IS DONE?????
I know mothers everywhere breathe a sigh of relief when they get their child back from the father and the child is alive, yes the harm has been done whether physically or emotionally or psychologically but the child is alive for another day and that is all the matters. Women are living in fear that their children will be the next ones who are on the news because the father has decided he is going to punish his ex by taking away her children for good.
Don't kick me when I am down
Why is it that people turn on you when you need them the most??? Why do friends, partners, families and other mothers turn on you and judge you when you already feel destroyed???
If you have the answer please let me know. I am sick of being judged and blamed and having people turn their backs on me when I am feeling so vulnerable. Yes I am strong but I do have my weak moments. I want people to think I am copping instead of seeing my heart being broken a little more every day. I do not want people to see how I feel my entire world is crumbling because for all I know they will use this against me in court. Yes I have changed because everything in life makes you who you are today. I am going through something that is life changing. If I was still the same person then you would have to question whether or not I cared about the well being of my child. Have I changed for the better or for the worst???? I do not know. I have changed for the better in the fact that I am now not just fighting for my child. I am fighting for every child out their. I am fighting to protect children for harm and I am also using my voice for all women and mothers who do not feel strong enough to use their own. I do have my moments where I fall to the ground and despair engulfs me and I do not think I can go on. But I pick myself back up and I get on with my life. Where are all the people who are suppose to be supporting me??? Kicking me when I am down.
I know these people are experiencing what I am going through in their own way. I know my family is hurting too at the thought of having to see my child suffer more. I know my friends do not understand as they are not me and never had to experience what I am experiencing with every breathe I take. I know other mothers are judging me for not handing my child over to an abuser. I have heard what they have said, I have seen the looks on their face and I have seen their backs as they turn to walk away as they can't deal with what is happening. I wish I could turn my back on the situation. I wish I didn't have to live my life constantly working things around when my child will be forced to see dad and then need me when they fall. I wish I could plan things in advance and live my life my way and how I want. But I can't as I am now being dictated to by a court and by an abuser whose sole purpose is to control me and my every more. The abuser wants to continue to make an impact in my life whether good or bad. Stop for a second and think how that makes me feel. I took my life back and was living it, my abuser didn't like that and couldn't let me be happy so he is using the court and my child to control me.
Aren't mothers suppose to be helping and supporting other mums??? After all we are similar, we want what is best for our children. Just because you think you know best for my child does not mean you do so stop judging me.
What happened to being there for me??? Aren't family suppose to be there no matter what??? I know this is my fault and I kick myself every day. If only I hadn't put him on the birth certificate this wouldn't be happening, if only I had listened to what you were saying I wouldn't be in this situation. I know all this and I am being punished enough. I do not need my family blaming me. Trust me I blaming myself enough and punishing myself too.
What happened to my partner being their for me??? Aren't you suppose to stand beside me??? I know I have changed and I know things have been hard but isn't it for better or worse??? How would you feel if I turned my back on you when you needed me most??? Didn't you say you saw my child as your own??? Then why aren't you standing besides me holding me up instead of watching me fall???
What happened to my friends being there for me??? No sorry my life got too complicated so you took off. Stuff the fact that I was there for you every time you called. I dropped everything to be there when you hit rock bottom and I helped you get back up and then you watched me fall and told me to deal with it.
Until you have been through the family court or are going through it, you will never completely understand the highs and the lows which you experience, the anxiety of the next court date, the fact that any moment someone could say your a bad parent and then your child is taken from you without warning. Until you are me you will not know what I am feeling and will not understand how it feels to have the person that raped you threaten to take your child away. Until you are me you will not understand how devastating it is to have someone walk back into your life after you thought you took back control from them. Until you are me you will not understand how I felt when you turned your back on me just like the system did, other friends did and other mothers did. Stop for a second and put yourself in my shoes before you metaphorically slap me in the face again.
If you have the answer please let me know. I am sick of being judged and blamed and having people turn their backs on me when I am feeling so vulnerable. Yes I am strong but I do have my weak moments. I want people to think I am copping instead of seeing my heart being broken a little more every day. I do not want people to see how I feel my entire world is crumbling because for all I know they will use this against me in court. Yes I have changed because everything in life makes you who you are today. I am going through something that is life changing. If I was still the same person then you would have to question whether or not I cared about the well being of my child. Have I changed for the better or for the worst???? I do not know. I have changed for the better in the fact that I am now not just fighting for my child. I am fighting for every child out their. I am fighting to protect children for harm and I am also using my voice for all women and mothers who do not feel strong enough to use their own. I do have my moments where I fall to the ground and despair engulfs me and I do not think I can go on. But I pick myself back up and I get on with my life. Where are all the people who are suppose to be supporting me??? Kicking me when I am down.
I know these people are experiencing what I am going through in their own way. I know my family is hurting too at the thought of having to see my child suffer more. I know my friends do not understand as they are not me and never had to experience what I am experiencing with every breathe I take. I know other mothers are judging me for not handing my child over to an abuser. I have heard what they have said, I have seen the looks on their face and I have seen their backs as they turn to walk away as they can't deal with what is happening. I wish I could turn my back on the situation. I wish I didn't have to live my life constantly working things around when my child will be forced to see dad and then need me when they fall. I wish I could plan things in advance and live my life my way and how I want. But I can't as I am now being dictated to by a court and by an abuser whose sole purpose is to control me and my every more. The abuser wants to continue to make an impact in my life whether good or bad. Stop for a second and think how that makes me feel. I took my life back and was living it, my abuser didn't like that and couldn't let me be happy so he is using the court and my child to control me.
Aren't mothers suppose to be helping and supporting other mums??? After all we are similar, we want what is best for our children. Just because you think you know best for my child does not mean you do so stop judging me.
What happened to being there for me??? Aren't family suppose to be there no matter what??? I know this is my fault and I kick myself every day. If only I hadn't put him on the birth certificate this wouldn't be happening, if only I had listened to what you were saying I wouldn't be in this situation. I know all this and I am being punished enough. I do not need my family blaming me. Trust me I blaming myself enough and punishing myself too.
What happened to my partner being their for me??? Aren't you suppose to stand beside me??? I know I have changed and I know things have been hard but isn't it for better or worse??? How would you feel if I turned my back on you when you needed me most??? Didn't you say you saw my child as your own??? Then why aren't you standing besides me holding me up instead of watching me fall???
What happened to my friends being there for me??? No sorry my life got too complicated so you took off. Stuff the fact that I was there for you every time you called. I dropped everything to be there when you hit rock bottom and I helped you get back up and then you watched me fall and told me to deal with it.
Until you have been through the family court or are going through it, you will never completely understand the highs and the lows which you experience, the anxiety of the next court date, the fact that any moment someone could say your a bad parent and then your child is taken from you without warning. Until you are me you will not know what I am feeling and will not understand how it feels to have the person that raped you threaten to take your child away. Until you are me you will not understand how devastating it is to have someone walk back into your life after you thought you took back control from them. Until you are me you will not understand how I felt when you turned your back on me just like the system did, other friends did and other mothers did. Stop for a second and put yourself in my shoes before you metaphorically slap me in the face again.
I want to tell my story
Every person who I have told me story to who are close friends or my family about what is happening to me in the family court today does not believe me. You may think that the gag order of section 121 of the family law act is preventing you from talking and it is. Even if you could talk no one would believe that this is happening in the 21 century. Don't believe me??? Try it, pick one good friend who you trust with your life and who wont run to your ex to speak with (this could be family) and tell them how you were treated in family court because you are a woman and a mother and you will see how they react.
I have spoken with friends and family of mine both male and female and the typical response is "I just don't believe that that's happening, your ex has not been around for 7 years there is no way the court would give him rights he has done nothing" and another from a male friend of mine who had his mother go through the court system for her grand children, "I don't understand how this is going on like this, it doesn't make sense what have they got on you???? What are you doing wrong???" The answer??? I am a woman, I am a mother who proved I could do it on my own and now the father wants to be a dad we are going to punish you for being able to cope without a man, we are going to punish your child for being able to more then survivor without a father.
I hear all the time from people "if they just hear my story they will see I shouldn't be in court". :If only people knew what was happening things would change". The fact is people don't want to believe that these days women are still not treated as equal. People do not want to hear the fact that domestic violence is real unless it has happened to them. People do not want to know what is going on in the family court system so that way they can plead ignorance with everything finally blows up and someone exposes the corruption which is happening daily behind the closed door of the family court and behind the closed doors or "expert court workers". The reality is until someone in power witnesses first hand the devastating truth of the corruption and discrimination against women especially, women who have experienced domestic violence, no one will listen. No one wants to listen and no one is allowed to speak.
Do you think that today tonight would pick up a story about how mothers are having their children stolen from them??? Nope not if it is being heard in the family court. Why??? Because us mothers are not allowed to speak. How many fathers have you seen crying poor me, my child was taken from me to the media??? Do you get to hear why the child was taken??? Do you get to hear from the children and from the mother??? Nope she is not allowed to speak. How many media personalities have supported fathers without knowing the reason behind why a child is not spending time with dear old dad or why the mother has done a runner??? I can name a few. Do you think these same people would support a woman??? Nope which media personality has gotten on board to support Melinda Stratton who took her child out of the country to protect him???? I can't name one can you????
SO why are men allowed to speak up about how they are getting a raw deal in the family court system and women are just suppose to keep quiet??? Discrimination. You see mums don't have penises so what they have to say doesn't matter. Women are like children, they need to be seen and not heard. This is not my opinion this is how the world and the family court see it. Yes it needs to change but with the gag order and the reluctance of the media to tell the truth who is going to be the voice of reason??????
I have spoken with friends and family of mine both male and female and the typical response is "I just don't believe that that's happening, your ex has not been around for 7 years there is no way the court would give him rights he has done nothing" and another from a male friend of mine who had his mother go through the court system for her grand children, "I don't understand how this is going on like this, it doesn't make sense what have they got on you???? What are you doing wrong???" The answer??? I am a woman, I am a mother who proved I could do it on my own and now the father wants to be a dad we are going to punish you for being able to cope without a man, we are going to punish your child for being able to more then survivor without a father.
I hear all the time from people "if they just hear my story they will see I shouldn't be in court". :If only people knew what was happening things would change". The fact is people don't want to believe that these days women are still not treated as equal. People do not want to hear the fact that domestic violence is real unless it has happened to them. People do not want to know what is going on in the family court system so that way they can plead ignorance with everything finally blows up and someone exposes the corruption which is happening daily behind the closed door of the family court and behind the closed doors or "expert court workers". The reality is until someone in power witnesses first hand the devastating truth of the corruption and discrimination against women especially, women who have experienced domestic violence, no one will listen. No one wants to listen and no one is allowed to speak.
Do you think that today tonight would pick up a story about how mothers are having their children stolen from them??? Nope not if it is being heard in the family court. Why??? Because us mothers are not allowed to speak. How many fathers have you seen crying poor me, my child was taken from me to the media??? Do you get to hear why the child was taken??? Do you get to hear from the children and from the mother??? Nope she is not allowed to speak. How many media personalities have supported fathers without knowing the reason behind why a child is not spending time with dear old dad or why the mother has done a runner??? I can name a few. Do you think these same people would support a woman??? Nope which media personality has gotten on board to support Melinda Stratton who took her child out of the country to protect him???? I can't name one can you????
SO why are men allowed to speak up about how they are getting a raw deal in the family court system and women are just suppose to keep quiet??? Discrimination. You see mums don't have penises so what they have to say doesn't matter. Women are like children, they need to be seen and not heard. This is not my opinion this is how the world and the family court see it. Yes it needs to change but with the gag order and the reluctance of the media to tell the truth who is going to be the voice of reason??????
Wednesday 21 September 2011
Won't someone think of the children????
Let's be honest here. No one actually wins in the family court system. Every body loses something. But most importantly the children lose. They lose their right to speak, they lose part of their childhood and they lose when it comes to being able to make decisions about their lives.The children lose the most and it needs to stop.
These decisions are taken from children and given to adults who have never met the child or even interviewed the child. These people decide what is best for a child who they see as just a number or a pay check. Does anyone understand how unfair this is??? Not all children should get a say as a baby can not decide on what they want but the court needs to view each case as individual and stop trying to push something square into the round window of a quick fix. I know many children who are very capable of communicating what they want and need and they are being denied their right to do so. Why??? Because according to the court system children under the age of about 8-12 can not understand the consequences of their decisions. NEWS FLASH. Children learn about decision making every day in their live and the consequences of making such decisions. Again this needs to be looked at individually as all children are different.
Why is it that the family court which is suppose to be there to protect children are the ones who are actually failing them??? How can a system which is applied to every case regardless of the facts, work to protect children??? You walk into a court and you actually have to prove that shared care will be detrimental to a call beyond reasonable doubt. Stuff the fact that abuse has occurred and the other parent has no relationship with the child. That means nothing. In most cases shared care is awarded regardless of what has occurred before getting to court because judges are using a band aide effect on all cases presented before them. Then when things go completely wrong they may consider changing the orders if you are not to blame for shared care not working.
How is shared care in the best interest of the child??? Is it really the best interest of the child to live one week in a home which has one set of rules and expectations with minimal contact from the other parent and then just as they are settling in have to pack their things into a bag and change homes again??? Is this really providing a stable environment for children to live in??? How is this not child abuse??? I am not saying it doesn't work for all children when both parents get along and share the same parenting techniques and are able to communicate effectively with each other. Let's face it though how many people who are court ordered into shared care able to communicate effectively???
Children are the ones who are losing the most when their parents are feuding in the family court system and this needs stop. I am not blaming anyone, I am blaming the laws. The majority of cases which end up in front of a judge involve some sort of family violence and this is not being addressed. I am not against decent fathers and men being involved in their children's lives. Let's face it most mothers aren't. I am against abusive men using the system to continue the abuse.
I as a mother in the family court hell has been judged saying I am as bad as my ex because I refuse to hand over the child to a man who abused drugs and alcohol, abused me in front of the child, abused the child and now is verbally abusing the child during contact visits and still trying to control my life. Guess what, you don't know my situation, you don't know my ex and you sure as hell don't know what my child wants. My child has been brought up to contribute to decisions which ultimately effect the child's life. Will the courts allow this child to take part in decisions about the child's life??? No because the child is almost 7 years old so according to the court is not mature enough to participate in decisions which will effect the child's life forever.
Do the courts care what children want??? Ultimately no they don't if it does not match with what the law says has to happen. My child wants nothing to do with dad. Why??? Because he denies the child a childhood and because he continues to tell the child what a bad mother I am. Do let me forget that he attempts to buy the child with gifts and bribe the child with the fact that if the child refuses to see dad the child will not be allowed to have a relationship with his niece and nephew. What does my child say to this??? Keep your presents I don't want them and I do not care if I don't have a relationships with your family who until court ordered had nothing to do with me or my life.
So who is going to put children first??? Not the courts that's for sure and not the people the courts appoint to be ICL or family planner as they can not fit a square solution into a round law.
Everyday of my life, I put my child's rights, needs and wants before my own and for this my child and I will be punished as my child will realise that what I have been teaching them means shit in the real world and ultimately adult males needs, wants and rights are put before that of the child.
These decisions are taken from children and given to adults who have never met the child or even interviewed the child. These people decide what is best for a child who they see as just a number or a pay check. Does anyone understand how unfair this is??? Not all children should get a say as a baby can not decide on what they want but the court needs to view each case as individual and stop trying to push something square into the round window of a quick fix. I know many children who are very capable of communicating what they want and need and they are being denied their right to do so. Why??? Because according to the court system children under the age of about 8-12 can not understand the consequences of their decisions. NEWS FLASH. Children learn about decision making every day in their live and the consequences of making such decisions. Again this needs to be looked at individually as all children are different.
Why is it that the family court which is suppose to be there to protect children are the ones who are actually failing them??? How can a system which is applied to every case regardless of the facts, work to protect children??? You walk into a court and you actually have to prove that shared care will be detrimental to a call beyond reasonable doubt. Stuff the fact that abuse has occurred and the other parent has no relationship with the child. That means nothing. In most cases shared care is awarded regardless of what has occurred before getting to court because judges are using a band aide effect on all cases presented before them. Then when things go completely wrong they may consider changing the orders if you are not to blame for shared care not working.
How is shared care in the best interest of the child??? Is it really the best interest of the child to live one week in a home which has one set of rules and expectations with minimal contact from the other parent and then just as they are settling in have to pack their things into a bag and change homes again??? Is this really providing a stable environment for children to live in??? How is this not child abuse??? I am not saying it doesn't work for all children when both parents get along and share the same parenting techniques and are able to communicate effectively with each other. Let's face it though how many people who are court ordered into shared care able to communicate effectively???
Children are the ones who are losing the most when their parents are feuding in the family court system and this needs stop. I am not blaming anyone, I am blaming the laws. The majority of cases which end up in front of a judge involve some sort of family violence and this is not being addressed. I am not against decent fathers and men being involved in their children's lives. Let's face it most mothers aren't. I am against abusive men using the system to continue the abuse.
I as a mother in the family court hell has been judged saying I am as bad as my ex because I refuse to hand over the child to a man who abused drugs and alcohol, abused me in front of the child, abused the child and now is verbally abusing the child during contact visits and still trying to control my life. Guess what, you don't know my situation, you don't know my ex and you sure as hell don't know what my child wants. My child has been brought up to contribute to decisions which ultimately effect the child's life. Will the courts allow this child to take part in decisions about the child's life??? No because the child is almost 7 years old so according to the court is not mature enough to participate in decisions which will effect the child's life forever.
Do the courts care what children want??? Ultimately no they don't if it does not match with what the law says has to happen. My child wants nothing to do with dad. Why??? Because he denies the child a childhood and because he continues to tell the child what a bad mother I am. Do let me forget that he attempts to buy the child with gifts and bribe the child with the fact that if the child refuses to see dad the child will not be allowed to have a relationship with his niece and nephew. What does my child say to this??? Keep your presents I don't want them and I do not care if I don't have a relationships with your family who until court ordered had nothing to do with me or my life.
So who is going to put children first??? Not the courts that's for sure and not the people the courts appoint to be ICL or family planner as they can not fit a square solution into a round law.
Everyday of my life, I put my child's rights, needs and wants before my own and for this my child and I will be punished as my child will realise that what I have been teaching them means shit in the real world and ultimately adult males needs, wants and rights are put before that of the child.
Saturday 17 September 2011
The Next Stolen Generation
Why are we once again in the middle of the next stolen generation???? Why are we repeating the same mistakes many years later when we have seen the damage that has been done???? For hundreds of years white people stole Aboriginal Children from their mum's breast and the Australian government is doing the same thing today with women because why??? They are women and mothers. Children are being forcibly remove from their mothers breast to fulfil the rights of man to have access to their children regardless of what this is doing to young children and their mothers.
Mothers are losing their children to the current family laws and I am not just talking about for overnight visits with dad. I am talking children are being removed from the mothers care never to be returned on the pretence that they will be better off with dad. Is this not the same reason many Aboriginal families were torn apart??? Because someone in power thought it would be best for the children??? How many more families have to suffer this fate before they once again realise how wrong they are and how much trauma they are causing families and children??? In 100 years we are going to once again going to see an Australian prime minister apologising to the Australian public for today's governments mistakes. But by then its going to be too late just like it was for the Aboriginal people.
This pain is going to be carried through from generation to generation. Past governments wanted to destroy the Aboriginal culture and they were almost successful in doing so. The government today wants to destroy the notion of mothers and they are succeeding slowly. I know several mothers who have lost complete access to their children. The children they carried inside them for 9 months, the children they birthed, the children they loved before meeting them, the children they would give their life for, the children the promised to protect and this is destroying mothers. These mothers are not abusive or incapable, these mothers tried to protect their children and they are being punished. Just like the Aboriginal people who tried to protect their young and were punished for doing so all in the name of the law.
Me, I am an Aboriginal person and I was effected by the stolen generation and do not know my ancestors. Me, I am also a single mother who is going to be effected by the new stolen generation because my ex has decided after almost 7 years he is now entitled to be a father. I will be punished for trying to protect my child just as my ancestors were punished too. I will not allow the government to destroy the notion of mother as they destroyed my culture. Will you allow the government to steal the next generation of children??????
This person could be you, this person could be your friend, this person could be any body and no one can help her or her children. The next stolen generation. The next culture destroyed. Mothers no longer needed.
Mothers are losing their children to the current family laws and I am not just talking about for overnight visits with dad. I am talking children are being removed from the mothers care never to be returned on the pretence that they will be better off with dad. Is this not the same reason many Aboriginal families were torn apart??? Because someone in power thought it would be best for the children??? How many more families have to suffer this fate before they once again realise how wrong they are and how much trauma they are causing families and children??? In 100 years we are going to once again going to see an Australian prime minister apologising to the Australian public for today's governments mistakes. But by then its going to be too late just like it was for the Aboriginal people.
This pain is going to be carried through from generation to generation. Past governments wanted to destroy the Aboriginal culture and they were almost successful in doing so. The government today wants to destroy the notion of mothers and they are succeeding slowly. I know several mothers who have lost complete access to their children. The children they carried inside them for 9 months, the children they birthed, the children they loved before meeting them, the children they would give their life for, the children the promised to protect and this is destroying mothers. These mothers are not abusive or incapable, these mothers tried to protect their children and they are being punished. Just like the Aboriginal people who tried to protect their young and were punished for doing so all in the name of the law.
Me, I am an Aboriginal person and I was effected by the stolen generation and do not know my ancestors. Me, I am also a single mother who is going to be effected by the new stolen generation because my ex has decided after almost 7 years he is now entitled to be a father. I will be punished for trying to protect my child just as my ancestors were punished too. I will not allow the government to destroy the notion of mother as they destroyed my culture. Will you allow the government to steal the next generation of children??????
This person could be you, this person could be your friend, this person could be any body and no one can help her or her children. The next stolen generation. The next culture destroyed. Mothers no longer needed.
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