Why is it that people turn on you when you need them the most??? Why do friends, partners, families and other mothers turn on you and judge you when you already feel destroyed???
If you have the answer please let me know. I am sick of being judged and blamed and having people turn their backs on me when I am feeling so vulnerable. Yes I am strong but I do have my weak moments. I want people to think I am copping instead of seeing my heart being broken a little more every day. I do not want people to see how I feel my entire world is crumbling because for all I know they will use this against me in court. Yes I have changed because everything in life makes you who you are today. I am going through something that is life changing. If I was still the same person then you would have to question whether or not I cared about the well being of my child. Have I changed for the better or for the worst???? I do not know. I have changed for the better in the fact that I am now not just fighting for my child. I am fighting for every child out their. I am fighting to protect children for harm and I am also using my voice for all women and mothers who do not feel strong enough to use their own. I do have my moments where I fall to the ground and despair engulfs me and I do not think I can go on. But I pick myself back up and I get on with my life. Where are all the people who are suppose to be supporting me??? Kicking me when I am down.
I know these people are experiencing what I am going through in their own way. I know my family is hurting too at the thought of having to see my child suffer more. I know my friends do not understand as they are not me and never had to experience what I am experiencing with every breathe I take. I know other mothers are judging me for not handing my child over to an abuser. I have heard what they have said, I have seen the looks on their face and I have seen their backs as they turn to walk away as they can't deal with what is happening. I wish I could turn my back on the situation. I wish I didn't have to live my life constantly working things around when my child will be forced to see dad and then need me when they fall. I wish I could plan things in advance and live my life my way and how I want. But I can't as I am now being dictated to by a court and by an abuser whose sole purpose is to control me and my every more. The abuser wants to continue to make an impact in my life whether good or bad. Stop for a second and think how that makes me feel. I took my life back and was living it, my abuser didn't like that and couldn't let me be happy so he is using the court and my child to control me.
Aren't mothers suppose to be helping and supporting other mums??? After all we are similar, we want what is best for our children. Just because you think you know best for my child does not mean you do so stop judging me.
What happened to being there for me??? Aren't family suppose to be there no matter what??? I know this is my fault and I kick myself every day. If only I hadn't put him on the birth certificate this wouldn't be happening, if only I had listened to what you were saying I wouldn't be in this situation. I know all this and I am being punished enough. I do not need my family blaming me. Trust me I blaming myself enough and punishing myself too.
What happened to my partner being their for me??? Aren't you suppose to stand beside me??? I know I have changed and I know things have been hard but isn't it for better or worse??? How would you feel if I turned my back on you when you needed me most??? Didn't you say you saw my child as your own??? Then why aren't you standing besides me holding me up instead of watching me fall???
What happened to my friends being there for me??? No sorry my life got too complicated so you took off. Stuff the fact that I was there for you every time you called. I dropped everything to be there when you hit rock bottom and I helped you get back up and then you watched me fall and told me to deal with it.
Until you have been through the family court or are going through it, you will never completely understand the highs and the lows which you experience, the anxiety of the next court date, the fact that any moment someone could say your a bad parent and then your child is taken from you without warning. Until you are me you will not know what I am feeling and will not understand how it feels to have the person that raped you threaten to take your child away. Until you are me you will not understand how devastating it is to have someone walk back into your life after you thought you took back control from them. Until you are me you will not understand how I felt when you turned your back on me just like the system did, other friends did and other mothers did. Stop for a second and put yourself in my shoes before you metaphorically slap me in the face again.
I have just found your blog post. I have and am going through what you are! I understand and I am a mom who didn't put the father on the birth certificate and he threatened me not to look to him for child support.
ReplyDeleteI was harrassed and stalked for the first few years of the childs life which was my first experience of people not understanding. I then picked myself up and got on with my life. He got himself incarcerated and I was relieved. That was in 2007. Then in 2009 he was to be released and to make a long story short, the child is now almost 10 years old and doesn't know him, he files from his prison cell with 9 felonies! for all of his rights to her! I was forced to stop our lives while 3 to 5 motions and petitions which were perjured against me and I had to fight to protect my daughter. Nobody including me thought a law abiding mother who had done all this with a great child on her own would have any problem in court. Well think again! He had federal funds backing him on prison release programs! For the next 3 and a half years my life has been taken in family courts and I have schooled that you don't have to do anything wrong to find out your children don't really belong to you once you are in the "system". Nobody seems to understand what this does to a mom or a dad who has a crazy on his hands.
It is the worst marathon of abuse to a protective parent and is designed to be just that.
Know this! I get it!!! You are not doing anything wrong and stop beating yourself up!! You are human and it's becoming increasingly obvious the system IS HARMING mothers and children. Get with the groups who know this and find support through them and other mothers who are and have gone through this nightmare. There are so many of us and it's you will hear yourself in all the stories.
We live in fear. These are terrorist tactics.
You are not alone and you are a good mom. You should be supported but sometimes that support will come from others than who you expect. I have had the same letdowns.
I know this is an older article but I had to comment. I hope you are well.
They take away our right to protect our children and fail to do that themselves.URGENT!!!!! need support in court due to some evidence that will be in courts cant have my friends there besides behind my back they still dont believe there was prejudice and duress, I'm self representing while confident in the evidence and case presentation not sure it wont all be thrown out again. NEED support pls anyone that can come to Brisbane Registry on dates 27, 28, 29 May matter of Hopkins&Hopkins Justice Bell, I'm tall , blonde, Russian, any support be appritiated, suspect trial will be going for more than 3 day as it was b4.will update on things
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