Who can you trust???

So you are going through the family court leaning on your friends and family for support because of the emotional toll it is taking on you. Then out of the blue some how your ex gets information on things you have said to the people you thought you can trust. You feel more alone then ever. Who would of told him???? How could he find out??? Are you being paranoid??? The simple answer is no your not paranoid someone has passed on this information and you aren't special this is what happens. It has happened to many mums going through the family court system and this is why we all feel so alone. We don't know who to turn to and once again we are being isolated which continues the cycle of abuse.

Here is what happened to me. I received a text message from my first ever boyfriend asking me how I was. I did not think anything of it as this guy and I started seeing each other when we were 15 and then he moved to the other side of Australia so we had always kept in contact at Christmas and birthdays. I thought he was a friend and so began talking to him about what was happening in my life including about court and my partner. The questions started "so does your partner often walk out when you need his support? Does he financially support you and your child? I started to wonder why he would ask such questions I mean why would he need to know? Then when I told him how my ex behaved towards my mum and child during visits and I would be using this in my court case, my ex's behaviour started to change. I got suspicious of this and called "my friend" up on this. I have not heard from him since.

Three days ago I got a text message from a guy I dated 4 years ago for about 6 weeks until he said my child was an issue. He asked me if I was married yet? First I did not who this person was as I never kept in contact with him at all and when I found out who it was my first question was "why do you want to know?" That's when I came to the conclusion someone was after information on me, but who??? Maybe my ex and I realised I had the upper hand because I could feed both these people a load of lies which would discredit them in court.

I then had a mother at my child's school tell me how great it was that I was finally allowing my child to have a relationship with their father. It was great to see. To this I lost it saying "Oh yeah real great now he is able to abuse the child whenever he wants". She stared at me like I was speaking a different language. So I said "You weren't there when he physically hurt the child or when he was abusing me in front of the child, now do you think its great????" This mother walked away bitching about me to another parent and left me sobbing to another parent saying "She doesn't know what happened how dare she say that to me".

I felt betrayed by these people. What do they have to gain by sourcing information from me???? I then realised this was a good thing in a way. It means there is nothing on me that they can use so are trying to find information to discredit me as a mother in court. My advice for them KEEP DIGGING BECAUSE YOU WONT FIND ANYTHING ON ME. I am a great mother and no one can say otherwise. I always put my child first and will continue too. No one knows what happened to me and my child except for the people who I have told and still some do not believe me and say "people change, maybe you should give your ex a chance". Why should I give him a chance???? Why should he not have to prove himself before I give him a chance???

So who can you trust???? The answer really is no one but yourself. Trust your instincts because 9 out of 10 times they are right. That gut feeling telling you something is not right needs to become your best friend. Who cares if you are wrong for protecting your self and your children. I would rather be wrong and protective then wrong and have yourself or your child at risk.

I know some women going through the family court system who have had their own family turn on them and side with the ex. Yes it is hard to believe but it does happen. I also know people who have had doctors, neighbours and school teachers turn on them and side with the father. The thing is you don't know who you can trust until it is too late. My advice be careful who you talk to, do not ever confided in mutual friends of you and your ex. The best people to confided in are other mums who are going through the system or who have been through the system and even then you have to be careful as a lot of time people are not who they say they are. Find that one person you can trust and slowly build a relationship with them. Listen to your gut feeling about that person and never give specifics about your story, use a fake name and vent on facebook if you have to or write a blog to get it out. Just make sure you protect yourself.



I have lost many friends while going through the family court. Not because of anything they have done but because I don't know who I can trust. Some do not understand what I am going through and tell me to just hand my child over to an abusive father because he clearly wants a relationship with the child. No one will ever completely understand what you are going through as they did not live your life. Yes I am judged by people for trying to keep my child safe and to them I say "WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES AND THEN WE WILL TALK". I use to care what people thought about me, now I don't. I am in the family court cycle and my focus is surviving this next part of the abuse thrust upon me by my ex. I will survive and I will fight for the next 10 years to keep my child safe. I will play this family court game every day of my life to protect my child because I am her mother and that is my job now. I have put my life on hold for now to focus all my energy on surviving the family court game as best I can. I have put my wedding on hold and I have lost a baby because of the stress. I know things will be tough but if I don't fight for the safety of my child who will???

FINAL THOUGHTS

Trust yourself and your instincts
Trust what your children are saying
Do not trust court workers
Do not trust that the system will do the right thing
Do not sign anything you are not happy with as this will be used against you later on
Do not trust that your lawyer is on your side because they have been known to add to the bully of a protective mother to hurry the case through the system
Be careful who you vent too as this information could end up back at your ex and be used against you
Do not vent on your personal facebook page sometimes this stuff can end up in affidavits used against you even if your ex is being blocked from viewing your page
But most of all look after yourself and find support