My child is struggling with being forced to spend time with dear old dad. You see he is not the nicest person and is not actually interested in spending time with the child but more interested in hurting me. This is the only way he can now and by god he is going to push it to the full to make me hurt for enjoying me life. During visits which are supervised he is emotionally abusing my child as well as verballing abusing and isolating the child from playing with children the same age as it is his time and the time needs to be spent with him. Don't worry though the court is making excuses for this behaviour and have stated it is just him being anxious about the lack of time he has been awarded.
You see my child is 6 and a half years old and has never had a real relationship with dad. Dad was a drug abuser and an alcoholic and yes I have proof of this but it doesn't mean anything to the court because that was his past. When he was under the influence of these substances he was violent towards me and my child. He has also made it clear that woman are scum and need to be put into place. He being a male is allowed to feel this way and has also been violent towards his sister who supports him in court.
Back to me failing my child. Each fortnight about 3 to 4 days before the forced visits, my child begins to become anxious about having to see this man. Each time I am met with comments from my child which are screamed at me and include "Why aren't you listening to me, I don't want to go to the visit" "Why are you making me go, I don't like it" "Why are you forcing me" and each time my heart breaks a little more. I have tried to explain to my child that this is not coming from me, these are ordered by the court and if you do not go I will be in trouble with the court. I have also tried to explain that if I was able to stop it I would. BUT now I have left myself open for the "unfriendly parent" concept to be thrown at me in court because I am not encourage my child to have a relationship with someone they are scared of and do not want to see. I risk losing my child for good because I am trying to save my relationship with the child. I have been told by the court reporter that I need to inform my child that they would not be alive if it was not for dear old dad. Yes that is right you read the words correctly no need to read again. The court reported has told me to tell a 6 and a half year old they owe their life to dear old dad, child abuse? In my opinion, yes and with only further damage a child who is suffering already at the hands of an out dated court system that puts the rights of parents above that of the child.
Each second Sunday my poor mum and I have to "encourage, coax and bribe" a scared 6 and a half year old to go spend time with an abusive man to honour his "god given right" to his child. And this is why I feel like I am failing my child. Isn't it my job to protect the child from harm?, isn't it my job to provide the child with a safe and secure home?, isn't it my job to listen to the child? Isn't it my job to allow my child to have a happy childhood? Isn't it my job to allow my child to grow into a happy, healthy, stable young adult? No it isn't according to the family court. You see if I do that I am again at risk of being labelled the "unfriendly parent" and risk losing all my rights as a mother. Instead my relationship with my child is being damaged and this is allowing my ex to win as this is what he wants. My child's relationship with my mother is also being damaged and no one cares. What happened to the importance of grandparents in a child's life???? He does not see the harm he is doing and has told the court how great the visits are going. I have told the court about the child's behaviour which include bed wetting, nightmares, separation anxiety and poor performance at school. I am being labelled in the report as alleging these things where as dear old dad is asserting??? This is sexism gone made. Why am I alleging and him asserting??? Why is his word gold and mine worth nothing???? I have experts backing me up on the behaviour change but these people are accused of lying for me. Why because I am a mother and have boobs and he is a father and has a penis so he must be right. No father would actually lie. Ha what a joke. Why should his word be taken on face value and mine be dismissed??? Why is his relationship with the child more valuable then mine???
The Australian government and people would like you all to believe that women and men are treated equal but reality is we aren't. Until women are treated equally mothers will always come second to fathers in the court systems. What happened to a mothers god given right to raise their children??? That went out the door thanks to John Howard.
So why do I feel like I am failing my child???
Because I am having to break the child's trust in me and my mother each fortnight so he can have a relationship which the child does not want anyway.
Because I am risking losing my child by using my voice to speak out about the injustices women are facing each day in court.
Because I feel helpless and can not respect what the child wants.
Because I am not allowing the child to use their voice.
Because I am a woman in the family court system.
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